Saturday, September 10, 2011

Evidences of goodness

Last night, I had an emotional melt down. And when it rains it pours. During my meltdown, I could only see despair. No hope. No light.

Just darkness.

I know the Bible says that God works everything together for good for those who love him...but I don't see the good!

I feel like every time I start getting back up, he just pushes me down again.

WHEN will the trials end?

Why can't I just catch a break? Don't I deserve one after what I've been through?

Not my best moments.

When my dear sweet man of God husband tried to point me towards Christ, I lashed out, calling him "uncompassionate." When he told me to search my heart for the root of these thoughts, I turned it right back to him. When he suggested that I think on the gospel, I had a hard time even recalling its goodness. And when he asked me to think on God's goodness, I drew a blank.

I was blind.

It's amazing how God can use a good night's rest to help lead me out of the darkness and back into the light.

For I know that my God is good.

"For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you." 
-Psalm 86:5

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly."
-Psalm 84:11

I have seen his goodness again and again...

In my precious husband, who displays the love of Christ even when I reject his wisdom and love.

In my material provisions. In comparison to the rest of the world, I am materially rich. We have a beautiful home. We never go hungry. If I don't have clothes to wear, it's because I haven't done laundry using our electric washer and dryer. I received a top-notch education. We have two incomes. We have health insurance. We have no lack of gain.

In my health. I am physically healthy, and I've never experienced any sort of major health concern. God has protected me and my family from illness and untimely death.

In my Christian upbringing. So often, I take for granted how much I have learned about God because I grew up in a Christian home.

In my church family. I have had three church families, two of which I still consider part of my "extended" family. Our church is gospel-centered, and the joy in the gospel is evident and contagious in its members. We are now part of a care group with other believers who have one thing in common: we were dead in our trespasses, but now alive in Christ.

In my biological family. It's hard to see goodness right now in this area, but I know that God has shown amazing goodness to me in my biological family. My mother set a wonderful example for me growing up. She loved us sacrificially. She nurtured us and challenged us to be our best for God. She served our family and the body well, even when many times she received no appreciation. My father exemplified selflessness by working every day to provide us not only with food and shelter, but with opportunities to expand our gifts and talents. He demonstrated resourcefulness and compassion in his ministries to the poor and neglected. He taught me a great deal about honoring my parents through his example with Grandma T. He prayed unceasingly. I have four beautiful sisters who each hold a special place in my heart and have taught me important lessons through their character. Jackie's generosity. Leslie's tender heart. Paige's determination and drive. Madison's compassion. All four have blessed me beyond measure.

In my friendships. I may not have many friends, but the friends I do have are fiercely loyal.

And most importantly, in my spiritual inheritance...

"Blessed be my God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose me in him before the foundation of the world, that I should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined me for adoption as a daughter through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed me in the Beloved. In him I have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of my trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon me, in all wisdom and insight making known to me the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him I have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will... In him I also, when I heard the word of truth, the gospel of my salvation, and believed in him, was sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of my inheritance until I acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."

-Ephesians 1:3-14

Evidences of his goodness.

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