Rightly rejoicing

Mother's Day is this Sunday, and I'm not a mother yet.

Last year, I remember turning to my husband at church on Mothers Day, beaming as I whispered, "Just think! Next year, I might actually BE a mother!"

I thought I would at least have a bun in the oven by now. But that wasn't God's plan. Not for this Mother's Day at least.

And so, this Sunday, I will go to church, surrounded by cooing babies and doting mothers. And while I'll be tempted to sulk in my circumstances and wallow in my heartache, I hope to "rejoice with those who rejoice." (Rom. 12:15) A lesson that God has been teaching me for some time now.

The truth is...my flesh doesn't want to rejoice with those who rejoice. It doesn't want to attend another baby shower or look at thousands of baby photos on Facebook or listen to the great "baby wise" debate.

"Because," says my flesh, "if I don't have one, then you shouldn't either."

But thanks be to God who has saved me from my own flesh! I am now able and equipped to rejoice with those who rejoice because "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Because of Christ, I don't have to wish away anyone else's happiness. I am free to rejoice with those who rejoice.

But what exactly does rejoicing with others look like?

Before I talk about what it looks like, I think it might be helpful to talk about what it doesn't look like.

Over the past few months, I've learned that rejoicing with others doesn't mean masking or stifling your own suffering.

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to long for a baby or a husband or a job. It's okay to weep. Romans 12:15 tells us to "rejoice with those who rejoice," but it also tells us to "weep with those who weep." It's okay (and actually good) for others to see us weep so that they can be obedient to weep with us. The bible tells us to "bear one another's burdens" (Gal. 6:2). By hiding our suffering, we aren't allowing the body of Christ to function as it's intended to.

Rejoicing also doesn't mean just getting by with the cultural etiquette. For awhile, I thought that going to baby showers, cooing over babies and discussing cloth diapers was me showing my friends that I was rejoicing with them. And those actions, in and of themselves, aren't bad. But when those social conventions aren't paired with a rejoicing heart, they aren't good either.

You see, rejoice doesn't actually mean to "show joy." It means to be joyful. If we are trying to show joy without being joyful, we've missed the point.

So back to the initial question...what exactly does rejoicing with others look like?

In Psalm 92, we see what it looks like to rejoice:

It is good to give thanks to the LORD,
to sing praises to your name, O Most High;
to declare your steadfast love in the morning,
and your faithfulness by night,
to the music of the lute and the harp,
to the melody of the lyre.
For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work;
at the works of your hands I sing for joy.

The psalmist shows us that real rejoicing is about rejoicing in God--in who he is and in what he has done.

We rightly rejoice, then, when we join with our fellow believers in giving thanks to the LORD and singing praises to his name.

We rightly rejoice when we see and declare his steadfast love, faithfulness, and other divine attributes.

We rightly rejoice when we are made glad by what he has accomplished.

Take a moment to think about what this might practically look like in your life. How can you rejoice with those who rejoice?

For me, it might look a little something like this...

Thank you, God, for your good gift of children. As your word says, children are a blessing from you. You are the author of life, and I praise you for so intimately knowing and creating these little ones and for so intimately knowing and creating me. I pray that they will grow up to experience the true, everlasting life that is found in you. I rejoice in experiencing your great redeeming love in my own life and pray that these little ones will one day know your faithfulness and will see your steadfast love as displayed on the cross. I thank you for graciously making your great name known to yet another generation.

You see, rejoicing isn't about being glad in those around us. It's about being glad in God with those around us. When we focus our gladness on who God is and what he's done, the "me vs. them" mentality disappears and an "us" mentality takes its place. Because the gospel isn't just about God redeeming me, it's about God redeeming a people, an "us", for himself.

Let us rejoice together in our great God...

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. - Eph. 2:4-9

Thanks be to God.

Little Phoebe Bartlett

Today I'm linking up with Women Living Well Wednesdays. Make sure to check out some of the other encouraging blogs.

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I became a Christian at age three.

You read that right...age three

For years, I had been somewhat hesitant to announce that to the world. After all, how could a three-year old have any real understanding of salvation?

But a few months ago, as I sat before two of our pastors at our church membership interview, timidly telling them of my three-year old conversion story, I realized that my hesitancy was unwarranted and actually somewhat sinful.

"I was blessed to be raised in a Christian home," I told them. "And I became a Christian at a very young age...I mean a very young age...three years old." I sheepishly looked up, half expecting to see them glance at each other skeptically, but instead, seeing them both look back at me, nodding intently. "Sometimes I feel silly even saying it because I know people are probably thinking to themselves, 'Oh, she couldn't have understood at that age.' But to be honest, there was never a point after that when I questioned my initial conversion. Sure, I came to understand the depths of God's grace and mercy more and more as I grew older, but I really truly believe that at some basic level, I understood at three years old that Christ had saved me."

I went on to tell them about how my Sunday School teacher, Mr. Meissner, had done a felt board presentation of the gospel, and that after the story, when all the other children had gone back to their tables, he called my name, "Chelsea, can you come back here sweetie?' he asked. I remember looking back at him, crouched down to my level with his eyes smiling at me. I saw something in his eyes that I loved (now I know that it was the sweet love of Jesus), and I wanted it. He sat with me for a moment, reiterating the gospel story. In three-year old terms, he explained that God is perfect and holy and that because God is perfect and holy, he demands perfection and holiness. But because of my sin, I could never attain perfection or holiness on my own. In fact, not only could I not attain it, but instead of being WITH God, I was (justly) condemned to death...an eternity apart from God. But, he told me, God had sent his only son, Jesus Christ to die in my place. Jesus, who never sinned, paid the penalty for MY sin so that I might be free from the chains of sin and death. And not only that, but he CONQUERED death by rising again on the third day, and he clothed me in HIS own righteousness so that when God looks at me, he no longer sees my sin, but instead sees the Christ. All I had to do was believe in him as my savior.

"And at three years old, I wanted to know this man named Jesus," I told them. "I wanted the love of Jesus, I wanted to believe, and I went home that evening and prayed with my mom to accept Christ as my savior. And to be honest, since then, while I've had my ups and downs, I have not once questioned the validity of my belief at such a young age."

As I finished telling them about my conversion, our senior pastor looked at me, with the same smiling eyes as dear old Mr. Meissner, overflowing with Jesus' love, and he asked, "Chelsea, have you heard the story of Phoebe Bartlett?"

I had not, so he went on to tell me about little Phoebe Bartlett, who had accepted Christ at the ripe old age of four under the ministry of Jonathan Edwards. Her conversion made such an impression on Edwards that he wrote about her in his "Narrative of Surprising Conversions." That night, I went home and read the story of Phoebe Bartlett, and I felt immediately as though little Phoebe and I were kindred spirits. I realized then that I didn't need to be shy about my conversion any more. Instead, I should proclaim it boldly and gratefully. It is truly a story of God's grace, not just in saving me, but in saving me at such a young age, before I even had a chance to really know the world without him.

What goodness.

What grace.

How sweet to know that my conversion is one of my very first memories of this life!

During the weeks following our meeting, I began to think more upon my early childhood conversion, so grateful for my salvation but also yearning for a better understanding of exactly what I had been saved from at three years old. On the night before Good Friday, I had a vivid dream where I saw my three year old self skipping across an old draw bridge. The next day, I wrote a poem, retelling what I had seen in this dream. Even now, I am brought to tears as I read the line, "His lost little girl was now found."

The Man at the Foot Bridge



I skipped along the wayward path,
curls bouncing in the breeze.
I smiled, not knowing where I went
amidst the forest trees.

I came upon a wooden bridge,
swaying to and fro.
Skipping, skipping, all the way,
whilst the winds did blow.

But as I skipped, I heard a voice
calling out my name.
I quickly turned and saw the man
from which the calling came.

With open arms, he called again,
"Come back, my child!" he said.
"This pathway is not safe for you.
Follow me, instead."

There was something about him I couldn't resist.
Strange, yet familiar was he.
Barefoot, I pattered across that old bridge,
For with him, I wanted to be.

I tugged on his robe, and he lifted me up,
Swinging me, 'round and around.
Laughing, rejoicing with tears in his eyes,
His lost little girl was now found.

And just as we turned away from the bridge,
Lo! The ground started to shake.
Holding me tight, we looked back at that bridge
as it crumbled and started to break.

My head on his chest, I started to weep,
as the rotten bridge gave way.
I knew not where I went, nor the path I was on,
without knowing, I'd fallen astray.

But the man who was holding me tight to his chest,
wiped my tears from my cheek as he said,
"You're safe, little one. You have no more to fear.
Come awake, child! You're no longer dead."

"For I knew you before you took your first steps,
and I knew on which path you were bound.
But in love, I came down and saved you from grief
so my mercy and grace would abound."

We turned and he showed me a narrower path
and told me to "Run well the race."
At nightfall, he told me he had to go home,
but he was leaving a friend in his place.

Now all grown up, I remember that man,
and I thank him again and again
For saving that blonde little curly head girl,
from eternal torment and pain.

Today, as I walk down the narrow path,
with the friend that he left at my side,
I thank him for saving that little blonde girl,
so that one day, with Him, I'll abide.
Lord, thank you for saving that little blonde girl, so that one day, with you, I'll abide.

I'll be praying for you..

Growing up in the church, I have heard and spoken the words "I'll be praying for you" countless times.

And admittedly, when I've muttered those words, I've often forgotten to follow through.

So a few years ago when Miss Lisa (now one of my "spiritual mothers") reached out her hands and first spoke those beautiful words...

"Can I pray for you?"

I remember being completely caught off guard.

She's going to pray for me...right here? Right now?

"That'd be great," I said. My mind still reeling from the idea of someone taking the time to pray WITH me instead of promising to pray FOR me at a later date.

Over the past few years, that scene...Miss Lisa reaching out her hands as she asks if she can pray for me...has become a familiar scene in our friendship. And I am so thankful for the lesson she has taught me. Having benefitted from this practice of prayer, I find myself trying to implement it in my own life more and more.

It's not the easiest spiritual discipline...especially for an introvert like me. Praying on the spot with someone else can be daunting, but I am thankful that God has given us "a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (2 Tim 1:7) While the other person may feel my hands trembling as I pray the first few words, inevitably, the Holy Spirit takes over, prompting me with the right words to pray.

Practicing this spiritual discipline has made me more aware of just how interconnected my bible reading and prayer truly are. When I am at a loss for words, it is often times because I haven't been in the Word recently, and I am relying on my own strength and wisdom, not God's. But when I am in the Word, I find myself praying the words of scripture I have read throughout my week.

So if I'm reading Psalm 18...

"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies."

I might pray the following prayer for a struggling friend:

"Lord, I pray that you would be _____'s strength during this difficult time. May you be her rock and her fortress as her world is shifting. May she take refuge in you when fear and doubt come her way, for you are her shield and salvation. God, you are strong when we are weak. In our inadequacies, let us see how adequate and satisfying you truly are. I pray that ____ will call out to you when she feels overwhelmed, and that when she does, you will comfort her and be the strength that she needs..her stronghold. Lord, you are worthy of all our praise and admiration. Praise be to you! Amen."

If I am at a loss for words, though, I've learned that it's okay to pause (a humbling lesson for me to learn), and that it's okay to just be in the presence of the Lord with a fellow believer. From my own experience, on the receiving end of things, I can tell you that when you're hurting, it's not so much about the words that are being prayed, but that they're being prayed for you in the first place (please don't take that to mean that words aren't important...they are, but I implore you not to let a momentary loss for words preclude you from praying for someone in need of prayer).

All that to say that while the words "I'll be praying for you" are sometimes the most appropriate words to speak to another believer, I am a strong believer that the words "Can I pray for you?" can be a huge blessing and encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ. This practice of prayer has blessed me so much throughout the past few years, and I pray that as I continue to practice it in my own life, others will be blessed by those words just as much, if not more, than I have been blessed through them being spoken to me.

"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit." James 5:13-18

Martha, Martha, Martha!

I'm linking up with Women Living Well Wednesdays today. Make sure to check out some of the other great blog posts if you have a moment!

I'll never forget when we hosted our very first formal, "non-family" dinner gathering at our home. I wanted it to be perfect, but it ended up a complete DISASTER!

I had just come home from a long day of work, and I had nothing prepared. Our company showed up, and I wanted to curl into a ball and cry as I looked around my kitchen--a sink full of dirty dishes, garbage can overflowing, raw chicken breasts that should have been cooked, potatoes that needed mashing, vegetables that still needed to be chopped and steamed.

Our company saw that I was overwhelmed and graciously offered to help in the kitchen. The men helped with the dishes and potato mashing while the women helped me chop vegetables and mash potatoes. Dinner was supposed to be on the table by 6, but it didn't end up on the table until 7:30, leaving us little time for fun and fellowship afterwards.

I was so concerned with impressing our company that I ended up embarassing myself and making others uncomfortable. I did anything BUT welcome them into my home. The problem: I was more concerned with my appearance than with my company's experience.

Martha, Martha, Martha!

In the book of Luke, we read...

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.'"

I am naturally SUCH a Martha. I want everything to be just right for company. I love fine china, tea services, and 5-course meals. My idea of "welcoming" people is giving them the finest dining experience they've ever had.

Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting people to have a great experience in your home. Everyone loves feeling pampered, right? But it becomes wrong when we miss out on the important relational aspect of hospitality. When we lose sight of the very people we are trying to welcome.

Let's take a quick look at Martha. There she was, trying to give Jesus a feast fit for a king, when in reality, all he wanted was her love, attention and adoration. Martha's intentions may have been entirely pure, but she lost sight of what was really important...the relationship.

For the past two years, I have tried to incorporate more of Mary's characteristics into my hostessing, purposing to keep relationships at the center of my hospitality ministry. I've picked up a few tips along the way and hope that they'll bless you as they have blessed me...

1) Create a vision statement for your homemaking ministry and post it in your home.

I came up with this vision statement a few months ago and posted it on my fridge as a constant reminder:

I (clean/cook/host) so that my home will a be 1) a safe haven for my family, 2) a place where others feel welcome in the name of Christ, and 3) a household that serves the LORD.

I encourage you to give it a try!

2) The crockpot is your friend.

On Sunday, we had 18 people over for lunch. The "Martha" in me would have been completely freaked out at the prospect of having 18 people over right after church. But "Mary" has found a couple great crockpot recipes that are especially great for company after church. Throw it in the crockpot over night, simmer on low, and voila! It's ready to go when the after-church crowd floods in:)

It may not be an gourmet meal, but it does the job and allows me to spend time building relationships with the people I invited into our home. After all, that's why we invite people over, isn't it?

3) Allow others to bless you.

This was such a tough lesson for me to learn, but I think I'm finally getting the hang of it! "Martha" Chelsea would have been dead set on doing everything herself! She would have (pridefully) thought, "I invited you over, so that means I need to do this all by myself!" But "Mary" has learned that it's okay to allow others to bless her. Whether it's a dessert, a quick stop for a bag of ice, or help with the dishes, it's okay to let others help. Really. And now that I'm getting the hang of this, I'm finding that some of the best relational times are spent in the kitchen cleaning up WITH my guests.

4) Drink stations will rock your world.

My husband makes fun of me for my "drink stations," but I LOVE 'em. As a little kid, I always hated when my mom would send me into the living room to ask all of our guests what they wanted to drink. Halfway to the kitchen, I would inevitably forget and have to turn around and ask again! I'm the same way today. As a hostess, you have a million things going through your mind (Oh no...Did I forget to clean the toilet bowl?) and remembering everyone's drink orders can be stressful and time consuming. By setting up a drink station (water, soda, ice, glasses), you make your guests to feel welcome by allowing them to fill up their glass whenever they need more (not when you get around to filling it), and you also relieve yourself of undue stress. You can also set up a do-it-yourself coffee/tea service with dessert. Set up a tray with cream, sugar, tea bags, and stirrers/spoons and have your guests help themselves!

5) Have a few go-to recipes and ingredients on hand.

I have about five "go-to" recipes for company that I can whip up pretty easily and quickly: crockpot italian beef, meatball (bomber) sandwiches, chili, taco bar, and spaghetti. I often keep 1-lb. bags of pre-cooked ground beef in the freezer for chili, tacos, and spaghetti and pre-cooked meatballs for bomber sandwiches. I also try to have red sauce and pasta in my pantry at all times in case we have any "surprise guests" (I firmly believe that spaghetti is God's answer to those surprise house guests!).

What are your "go-to" recipes? Don't have any? Try to think of 3-5, including at least one (like spaghetti) that won't break the bank! For an excellent spaghetti recipe, check out Noel Piper's book "Treasuring God in our Traditions."

6) Give yourself a half hour.

This was one of my first lessons in hostessing. In my mind, I thought, "I'll just get everything done and then go freshen up." But then my company (thankfully family!) showed up 20 minutes early to a frazzled, unshowered hostess. Now, I schedule a half an hour "prep time" for myself starting at least one hour before our guests arrive. During that half hour, I leave my hubby with a few last minute jobs which is a great help.

7) Have a plan.

When we hosted our family Thanksgiving just months after getting married, I was scared to death that I would forget something! So, the night before, I marked all my recipes with sticky notes, gathered all the dry ingredients for each recipe, set out serving bowls and utensils for each dish, and made a schedule (in 15 minute increments) for the following day. It was a HUGE help, and I have never looked back!

8) Keep Christ at the center of your hospitality.

This is my biggest encouragement to you as you welcome people into your home...keep Christ at the center. The single most important motivating force behind our love towards others should be Christ's love towards us. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because he first loved us."

Your guests should be able to see the evidence of Christ's love in your home. Here are a few questions to ask yourself when trying to determine if Christ is at the center of your hospitality: How are interacting with your husband or children? Do you do more talking than listening? Are you concerned about your appearance or your guest's experience? What dominates your conversation--heavenly things or earthly things? Are you demonstrating your love for and hope in the gospel? Once you've answered these questions, pray and ask God to help you with any trouble areas you might have.

Here's my prayer...

Lord, I pray that you would make me like Mary...content to sit at your feet. Make my home a place that puts your gospel on display. God, help me to put away my selfish desires so that I might love others better. And through my love, may all who enter into my home experience YOUR great love. Thank you for inviting me into your kingdom and welcoming me in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Have any hospitality tips? Please share in the comments below!

Photo attributed to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mjparnell/435465575/